Winning hearts and minds
Hello (to anyone who has had the patience to hang around for a long long time to wait for this post).
So this one is about winning hearts and minds. Hopefully this post will become progressively clear over the next 300 words or so.
I was just talking to a colleague a few moments ago and suddenly I thought I was acting a bit foolish. Helping her more than she would ever expect or imagine. So essentially foolish by our social standards.
Now I am not sure if I am generalising too much but I have seen that the society in which we live (or at least untill 10 years ago) valued those who would remain reserved and inapproachable, show up late in meetings and crack jokes that would make everyone else laugh and they themselves would never even acknowledge other'e joke by even as much as a smile. And growing up as corner office aspirant's we tend to copy some of those behaviours as well. Now going back to this colleague of mine, my first impulse was "not to help" and quickly become inapproachable so as to reinforce my importance and then only help her a little bit and that too in such a way as to make her realise that I am too busy. I did none of this. Don't know why but I went complete other direction. I made abundantly clear that I am free, offered her help and then when she thought she was done I offered her a few more options and thats when I realised may be I appeared a bit foolish. Now if I think of all the people that I like or admire, most of them have this ability to loook foolish. And they may be able to win our minds by their impeccable intellectual ability but it is their foolishness that makes them win our hearts.
I personally think gone are the days when you could inspire awe by outwitting people in arguments (this works well by the way in college debates but not if you are looking for committment from your employees as leaders) or intellectually dominate them by throwing around facts and figures which would baffle them completely. In order to be successful and particularly as a leader one needs to inspire love and make people believe of his/her innocence. A smart way, contrary to past practices of boasting of strengths and appear super human, is to accept weaknesses and appear as human as others. And then you create that trust that willingness in them to help you regardless of any personal motives.
So take time to not only crack your jokes but also laugh at those of others. Act foolish sometimes. Turn up for meeting a little earlier and behave as if you were the least busy of all other participants. Now I dont understand the exact science as to why this works but from my personal experience I am sure it does.
So this one is about winning hearts and minds. Hopefully this post will become progressively clear over the next 300 words or so.
I was just talking to a colleague a few moments ago and suddenly I thought I was acting a bit foolish. Helping her more than she would ever expect or imagine. So essentially foolish by our social standards.
Now I am not sure if I am generalising too much but I have seen that the society in which we live (or at least untill 10 years ago) valued those who would remain reserved and inapproachable, show up late in meetings and crack jokes that would make everyone else laugh and they themselves would never even acknowledge other'e joke by even as much as a smile. And growing up as corner office aspirant's we tend to copy some of those behaviours as well. Now going back to this colleague of mine, my first impulse was "not to help" and quickly become inapproachable so as to reinforce my importance and then only help her a little bit and that too in such a way as to make her realise that I am too busy. I did none of this. Don't know why but I went complete other direction. I made abundantly clear that I am free, offered her help and then when she thought she was done I offered her a few more options and thats when I realised may be I appeared a bit foolish. Now if I think of all the people that I like or admire, most of them have this ability to loook foolish. And they may be able to win our minds by their impeccable intellectual ability but it is their foolishness that makes them win our hearts.
I personally think gone are the days when you could inspire awe by outwitting people in arguments (this works well by the way in college debates but not if you are looking for committment from your employees as leaders) or intellectually dominate them by throwing around facts and figures which would baffle them completely. In order to be successful and particularly as a leader one needs to inspire love and make people believe of his/her innocence. A smart way, contrary to past practices of boasting of strengths and appear super human, is to accept weaknesses and appear as human as others. And then you create that trust that willingness in them to help you regardless of any personal motives.
So take time to not only crack your jokes but also laugh at those of others. Act foolish sometimes. Turn up for meeting a little earlier and behave as if you were the least busy of all other participants. Now I dont understand the exact science as to why this works but from my personal experience I am sure it does.
Very true !! I too have observed this at times.. and the behavior of the masses sometimes demands change from my side.. but when I go back to my past, I see that to whomever I meant even a bit (ofcourse they did let me know that I meant something to them), I meant only because I always had time and attention for them.. and ofcourse that made themselves feel better whenever they were with me.. and same with the people who meant something for me..
ReplyDeleteNice thoughts!
Saurabh - Yes! and as I said this resonated a lot with your status message today:
ReplyDeleteTo a large degree, our success and happiness in life depends on how much people like themselves when they're with us..
hey that is a good status message!
ReplyDeleteAptly put Kunal. Compassion is a key factor separating leaders from rulers.
Archana - Looks like you have more effectively captured the entire gist of these 300 words in less than 10. Well Done! I need to be frugal with words in the future it seems.
ReplyDeleteI love this post! Thanks.. As I was reading, I thought about all the times when I have felt the pressure at work to appear smart or talk over others' understanding. I haven't yet given into that pressure, thankfully. Reading this helps me verbalize the discomfort I have felt and reminds me to keep doing what I'm doing. Sharing your time with someone shows your consideration and makes you a better person, professionally and personally. You can think of it not as a waste of your precious work hours but as a valid investment in your career, even...
ReplyDelete-Archana (Sriram)
Solostyle - Archana (Sriram)- Have bit of difficulty placing you but much appreciate your comment and am very glad the post resonates with your personal experience too. So now I can go home peacefully, believing that I am not the only one who thinks this way :-)
ReplyDeleteKunal, you have very nicely conveyed an important msg of life.To be successful and to sustain success one has to be a good human being first, that makes him/her likeable where ever he/she is and as you also said a leader is the one who can make others believe that he/she is not an extra-ordinory hero but one among themself is what inspires others to have faith on you and follow you.Very valuable post.Keep writing your good thought:)
ReplyDeleteJasmine: Thanks for good reviews....
ReplyDeleteVery true Kunal! :)... good to read you after a long time :).
ReplyDelete